Are you lost, Angel?

Sometimes, I just get the urge to bury myself in a field of daisies and fall asleep, and it has nothing to do with the aesthetic, because as pleasant as it may sound, reality will hit when grains of soil find their way into soft hair, and the not so flowery scent of fertiliser. No, in these moments, all I feel is lost, like a small boat on a stormy ocean, and I long for nothing to be ashore, soil in my hair or not. This feeling is fairly common amongst humans, most commonly appearing in the form of a midlife crisis. Even those with the surest of directions may one day find themselves shipwrecked, clinging onto driftwood for dear life, or floating aimlessly on the sea.

How is it possible for one to be so helpless in a life they claim to be their own? Let’s present this in the most ideal of situations, Angelo. Angelo is the human form of perfection. He is smart, fit, healthy, and rich; he is happy, he is pursuing his dreams, let’s just make him the most fulfilled, promising, flawless person to ever walk this earth. Angelo is also a surfer, and he’s one hell of a good surfer. He is great at forecasting, riding the waves, and tiding over difficulties in his life. But no matter how good Angelo is at surfing, or being a human in general, he is, inevitably human.

So if dear Angelo were to surf for 10 hours non-stop, even the waves he has tamed in the first 9 hours will overpower him, and just like that, his balance is thrown off and he falls in the water. This is the first time of curveball Life throws at us, and it is the kind that you see out of the corner of your eye but are unable to move your feet. They are called commitments. These are responsibilities we are familiar with, school, work, caring for family, maintaining relationships, but that doesn’t make them any less tiring. In fact, we almost never can catch a break from all of them, and while they are ingrained into our routine, there can be times where our bodies can give in like Angelo’s muscles, and toss us into the open sea for us to be thrown around.

Now, Angelo is surfing again and this time he is completely recharged, he’s tackling his gentle waves just fine and he’s living life to the fullest! Suddenly, the shore recedes, and a 10 foot tall tsunami comes and swallows him whole. Bye bye, Angelo. This is the actual curveball that seemed not physically possible to hit you, yet somehow did: unknown problems. These are much more catastrophic as depicted by the colossal nature of the wave, as they were unexpected, and therefore most would experience a lack of preparation, be it financially, emotionally or mentally. Examples would include sudden unemployment, divorce, loss of something close to heart, and strangely enough, a lot of such circumstances relieves you of the commitment you previously had, but magnifies it into a devastating state, making you wish you had never complained about your past burdens.

The third type of curveball I would like to introduce is even more unprecedented. We can call it: the one that drops from the ceiling and hits you on the head, giving you a concussion. One day, Angelo just decides that he doesn’t like to surf anymore. He heads ashore, tosses his surfboard into the sea because he really, has no intention of surfing anymore, and leaves. But as Angelo walks further back into the city, he would realise that the ground under his feet is not his forte and omg what did he just do? He runs back to the sea, but by then the waves had long carried his surfboard off, claiming it as its own. I wish to name this, as the what did I just do scenario, where people wonder what were they thinking when they made such a decision and flipped a significant part of their life upside down. This could manifest in a sudden change of career, cutting off people from one’s life, migration, etc.

Hence, perfect as Angelo may be, he is unfortunately puny in comparison with the world, which has big bad plans for him. And even more unfortunately for the rest of us, we also have to deal with the problems Angelo faces, without that extra boost of perfection. Therefore, as with most other adjustments in state, it is perfectly alright according to health experts to experience such a disorientation at some point in life, provided it does not last long. In fact, it would be nothing short of miraculous if you do not doubt your direction once in your life, and have never been proven to be wrong further on.

What I would instead like to push forth is the question; is it truly such a bad thing to be lost? All of the above exerts a certain amount of pressure on an individual. Commitments could be like toe prints in the sand, barely leaving a dent but nevertheless present. The other two are more like the repercussion of waves throwing themselves against the shore, a blank slate left for us as they take with them a heap of sand. Our duties give us a fulfilling sense of purpose despite the stress and the curveballs take them away, inducing even more stress and worry.

But when we are lost at sea, we are truly weightless, resting our souls entirely on a body of water that supports us. There is no hurry, no need to scramble to snatch the sand back from the waves because you and the water, you are one, and you are floating among the particles of silicon that you so craved to control. Are we ever so truly sure of what we want anyway?

Nevertheless, a lot of people would still argue yes. I’m sure of what I want, and I don’t want to stay at sea, I want to go home. And no one can fault them, because who wouldn’t wish for the comfort of their own bed, when they are submerged in cold salty water under the glaring sun? So we run back to our homes, decorated with suspended seashells by the window and sand in cork bottles on bedside tables, pieces of freedom we squander away.

But inevitably, one day we would find ourselves once again tired out by humanity, the fast paced lifestyle, the glaring city lights. So we trace footprints back to the shore, standing surrounded by salty spray and soft sand, hearing the waves ebb and flow, brushing over our feet, and the call of the sea, saying

Are you lost, Angel?